"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I Fear I've Fallen

"I chanced upon your website today while I was reading up on Baltic Amber. I accidentally pressed the "next page" button and read about your entry the day they took your baby to live with his grandmother........ I wish I have the right words to say. I cannot fathom all the emotions you must have gone through. I very much admire your spirit and love you have, and the inner strength to decide to foster again. I was hooked on your blog and wanted to read more, only to realize that entry has ceased sometime November last year. I hope that you are well and know that someone is thinking of you and draw strength from your spirit."                         Missy - January 14, 2013

You said that you "chanced upon" and "accidentally". But I don't think either of those is true. For some reason I didn't find your message until today. I could think that was chance or an accident. But today is the day that our caseworker is coming at 2pm. I was going to tell her that this baby (our fourth) is our last. That I cannot do it anymore. But I got your message. I thought that I wasn't making a difference because all I was doing was getting the children healthy and then giving them back to the same people who hurt them just to let them do it all over again. But maybe the difference I'm meant to make is still out there. Maybe it is in you or in someone else that just reads about me trying. Maybe that's all I'm supposed to do is try.

 "Fear may fill our world, but it doesn't have to fill our hearts." - Max Lucado


  1. I love this post. From a former foster mom, please know that every little thing you do is making a difference, both for someone else and for yourself. How your actions or words affect others might not be visible, but I've been reading your blog for a while. I admire that you are able to foster with fibro -- I had to stop because of my fibro. Keep on with your good work. :)

    1. Thank you Connie. The doctor wants me to stop. All realistic indications is that I need to stop. But I do feel like this is who I am and what I'm supposed to do. I think I'm just going to have to make adjustments like not take them back to back so I can have a break in between and not take babies home straight from the hospital but get the ones that are already a few months old. I have ideas in my head. But I just can't imagine stopping right now. Thank you for your encouragement. It really does help me go on.