"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Breaking Dawn: Team Mom

It finally happens. When you think you really are about to die. Consciousness and dreams trickle together until you can no longer tell whether you are actually awake or asleep. Hunger is denied for lack of energy to bother eating. You hear crying in the distance knowing that it is just echoes in your mind that won't let go. This really is the end. I can't do this anymore. And then it happens.

You wake the next morning and the baby doesn't cry all day like she has every day previous. And she goes three hours in between bottles instead of one hour like every day previous. And she starts to actually go down to bed at a reasonable hour instead of being coaxed to sleep for three hours before being able to lay her down. Then she starts to sleep four to five hours at a time through the night. And you're able to move her to the nursery instead of the bassinet in your room. Can it be that she is getting better? That we've gotten through the colic? Am I jinxing myself by even daring to write this?

Moms have an amazing ability. Their bodies go the distance. Sure, I couldn't tell what day of the week it was or remember my husband's name. But I took good care of that baby. And now that she is settling in to this life here on earth and not quite so needy my body is feeling the effects of the last month and a half of being a new mom who also has Fibromyalgia. My muscles are sore, my joints hurt, I'm fighting migraines. My IBS is flaring. Of course it hasn't helped that I strayed from my diet after Quito left. I ate what I wanted as a result of emotional eating and gained ten pounds in two months. I didn't eat when I wasn't hungry I just ate things I shouldn't eat whenever I did eat. Now I'm trying to get back on track not just to lose the weight but to lose the pain in my stomach. And my memory is suffering something terrible. Of course right now everyone is understanding because I have a baby. They don't understand that it's like this all the time and only worse right now. Having a baby with colic was hard. It was more emotionally draining than having a drug baby. The drug babies keep us physically busy, but the constant crying of a colicky baby can wear down even the most decorated soldier. So here's to all the moms out there. Especially those who have battles of their own, but still manage to put it all on hold to care for the needs of the little ones. 

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