"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Monday, February 28, 2011

Pen Pals, Dates & What's Your Name Again?

I have trouble remembering EVERYTHING. Our small group from church has been meeting at our house. Last week 2 ladies told me they would bring snacks last night. This yesterday morning at church someone asked if anyone was bringing snacks and I told them I didn't know. So she brought snacks. Then they all showed up with snacks. The ladies from last week couldn't believe that I didn't remember them telling me about it. They said, "you were standing right there." I realize that saying sorry only works for so long. So I smiled and said, "I really just wanted it to be a big party since it's the last week."

The Fibro it affects my ability to write. Thank you for typing where I can edit easily! I have a pen pal. I noticed this weekend how bad it has gotten. When I finished my letter and went to edit it I had mistakes all over it. Things like saying "our" when I wanted to say "of" or "that" instead of "the". My spelling is okay for the most part. But it's like I'm dyslexic with words. I used to be such a great writer. Now it's a challenge. Blogging makes me feel a little better because I do have spell check and I can edit several times before publishing. Sometimes it takes several reads to catch my mistakes.

I also can't remember anything that's going on with others. When people give prayer requests I try to remember. I can remember that something is going on. I can remember if it was a friend or family member but I can't remember who beyond that. If they were ill, I can't remember what was wrong with them. It makes me feel terrible when I asked them how it's going because I sound like I don't really care because I don't remember the details. But I do care because I'm willing to look like an idiot to ask them. That's how much I really want to know the update. It does help that in our groups there is one person who writes all the requests down and then emails them out. But I still can't remember the details later. And for birthdays I find that birthdayalarm.com is very helpful because they will send you emails to tell you when a birthday or anniversary, etc., is coming up.

I just feel like my brain is falling apart. When I try to apologize to people and I say Fibrofog and explain it, they'll say, "well, I have mommy brain" or menopause, or whatever. They don't understand that it's not the same. I'm literally losing my mind. Not like I'm going crazy. But I was so smart. It's a disconnect between what's inside and actually getting it out of my mouth or through my hands. There's literally a wall. There is a really intelligent person inside of me. But she can't come out to play. She can no longer communicate with the world. This is one of my greatest pains caused by Fibromyalgia.

No comments:

Post a Comment