"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Grief: How Low Do You Go?

It's been a hard week. Our friends lost their baby girl Faith. She was one week from her due date and the baby tied a knot in her chord. It's just been an emotional week. I still can't believe it. I was looking forward to mom using our nursery while she was at our house until we have a foster baby. I've got the nursery all set up. I had imagined our babies together.I had just seen mom that morning. She had just left me a voice mail telling me that she was bringing cheese and crackers to our house that night for our small group meeting. Then we get a call that they've gone to the hospital because she didn't feel good and maybe she was in labor. Then I get a call from our friend who said the pastor called her. The had lost the baby. We couldn't believe it. We just sat there for awhile. We tried to watch t.v. Rob eventually went to bed because he couldn't think about it. I just sat there in the chair staring into space. My grief overcame me. I knew that I was getting depressed and quickly. I went to bed with thoughts of Faith and our friends and woke up with my first thought on them. I knew I had to do something because I was becoming depressed so quickly. But what can you do besides pray? I know that's the most important and first thing you should do. But I needed to DO something. I've learned that my depression comes quick and hard. I spiral down so quickly, in a matter of minutes. It doesn't happen very often, but it hurts when it does. The say that depression is a problem with Fibromyalgia. I guess this is how it manifests in me. Do you have depression? What is it like for you?

So friends and I started talking about meals for them. They have so many friends. I know how hard it can be to get too many meals at the same time, always the same thing, or not enough. Someone recommended the Care Calendar which allows you to organize everything online while people visit the site and sign up for meals, errands, etc. I became the organizer. I just had to do something. I had to DO SOMETHING. My friend and I took them paper products and a meal. I took them a meal the next night. I fell into the position of coordinating the food for the wake. Thankfully I was able to do most of it online with the website, emails, facebook along with phonecalls and texts. I spent a long day at the church the day of the wake. It was being held there because of the number of people attending. I was exhausted I came straight home and went to bed. Then Sunday was a full day. Sunday night I felt sick. Monday morning I knew I was sick with some kind of cold. I did very well taking care of myself. Slept almost all day. Then slept all night. Tuesday I had to go to the bank and get dog food. One of those things you just have to do. I was worn out after that. I slept some more. I slept all night. I think I'm on the mend. 

So I learned that to get out of my funk I need to get off my butt. I need to  be proactive in taking control of my thoughts and serving others was a way for me to do that in this case. I also am grateful to have learned about Care Calendar. I thought that it might be helpful for you all. Are there times when people help you get to doctors appointments, bring meals, help clean your house? Those are all things that you can post request for help on the calendar and let people help you. A great way to organize it all. Check out the website here.  

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