"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Last Breast Appointment

Monday I had my last follow appointment of all the appointments in the long line of appointments that come with having found a lump(s) in my breast. That's right. It's over! For now anyway. I had my follow-up with the surgeon who just talked to me about my breast and if I was having any more pain in that area. I told her that it did hurt, but nothing like it used to. We concluded that I just have moody breast. They groan and complain anytime they have to do anything. Which is all the time since I am at that age where I'm supposed to me making babies and milk. I did find a lump in my right breast about a week ago. I wasn't even looking for it that's how obvious it was. I was in the shower and felt it. But I had just started my period and within a week it was gone, just like good 'ole Aunt Flo. Moody breast! I asked her if one reason that my breast hurt could be because one of my major trouble areas with Fibro is my shoulders. She said absolutely! That's how she said it. "Absolutely!" The pectoralis muscles are running under the breast and up toward the shoulders and it's all connected. So that could be another reason why I have pain come and go. She said that I would come back "as needed" which hopefully would not be for a long time. I'm clear, but let me tell you, it was a wake up call. She did say, as a scientist, she does not recommend any cancer prevention that promises a quick fix. She said don't fall for any youth saving procedures. Eat right, light exercise as tolerated (that's for me, not everyone.) Do your self-exams. Get your regular screenings. When I'm older, if I fall into a higher risk category (if I still haven't had a child, if a sister has since had breast cancer) then we would talk about other medical preventatives. Until then. . . live.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Flu Flux Fibro

Yesterday I had the multi-vaccine flu shot. I warned that you could feel it going in because there was so much fluid. Here's my personal account of how it affected me afterward. Please, Please, Please don't let this keep you from getting the flu shot. One day's pain in the arm is so much more tolerable than having the flu with Fibromyalgia for an entire week. Think about it! That's why I got mine. Plus it takes me forever to recover from things.

The day that I had the flu shot the injection site was already very sensitive. In fact, that evening the pain had woken me in my sleep. I don't know about you, but for me sleeping can be painful. I sleep on one side until that side hurts. Then I roll over. Then when that side hurts I roll over, etc. I think most people do that. The difference between them and us is that once a side has begun to hurt it doesn't stop. So once we have slept on that side, felt the hurt and rolled over, we can't go back to it later. When I rolled to my left side, and the pain from the injection site woke me, I had to talk myself back to sleep. I kinda rolled back and forth until the pain was familiar enough and found the least painful spot all the while saying "it doesn't hurt that bad, go back to sleep." The lullaby for someone with Fibro. By the next day I think it did send me into a mini flare up. It definitely sent my left arm into flare up. My shoulders, which are one of my worst areas, were hurting so bad. I could barely lift anything. But I'm the person that grits my teeth and goes on. I guess because I know there is no real cause for the pain. I mean I know there is real cause. But I haven't been injured. My shoulders aren't broken or have spurs in them. It's the overactive neuron thingies. So I figure the pain isn't supposed to be there. I'm not causing any damage by working through it. Does that make sense to anyone? I guess another reason for working through the pain is that I have stuff to do. And unless I'm in so much pain that I literally cannot then I'm going to keep going. I have to. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not wonder woman. I do take breaks. I'll sit down for a minute and just groan as loud as I can to get the frustration out, an overly melodramatic soap opera moment. And I do take help when I can get it. When I got to the grocery store today I could barely push the cart and that was while it was empty. I just wanted to cry. My shoulders hurt so bad I can't push an empty cart!!! Oh, it crossed my mind. Those electric carts. But I can walk!! I just can't push a cart. Grit those teeth and go on. Once you get into your task you can work through the pain. I go through the check out and this time they didn't offer to carry my bags out. Maybe they didn't notice the glazed look in my eyes, that my smile was really a grimace. Or maybe they just thought a perfectly healthy looking young woman should be able to get out half a cart of stuff on her own. This time I asked him. Again with the awkward situation! Do I explain? Do I make a joke? So what did I do? I told him I have trouble with my arms. Wow! Why didn't I think of that when I was a teenager? No, mom, I didn't clean my room because I was having trouble with my arms. No, teacher, my homework isn't done because I have trouble with my arms. Anyway, I would normally have done the 2 bags to the car myself (even if he did stuff one bag way too full.) But I also had a gallon of milk. Hello, weighs 8 pounds. Then I had 3 small bags of dog food for a food drive we're going to this weekend. Oh, and did I mention that my arms fell off in the produce aisle? At least when I got home I could leave the dog food in the trunk. And get my overly stuffed bags into the house before taking a break for one of my mini-dramas. My mother and husband have asked me if the dramatics help and you know I think they actually do. You should try it. Go on, no one's watching.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Flu Shot

I got my flu shot today. It was the multi-vaccine one. Let me warn you. It hurts. I'm not saying this to scare you. It doesn't really hurt. But I've never had a flu shot hurt before. While I was getting the shot I could feel the vaccine going in. I guess it took longer for it to go in because it's a bigger shot. I told the pharmacist, "Dude, you're not very good at this." He asked why and I said because it hurt. He said that he's had a lot of people tell him that. He said it's the H1N1 vaccine that hurts. So be prepared, if you're getting the multi-vaccine flu shot, that you will feel it going in. My arm doesn't seem to be bothering me now. We'll see how it feels tomorrow. I've heard that the trick is to make sure that you move your arm around a lot after you've gotten your shot. Don't favor your arm. I know there is a lot of controversy over whether or not to get vaccines. If I was a normally healthy person I may not get them. But that aside,  1) I live too close to the Mexican border. 2) The last thing I want to get is the flu. If I got the flu you might as well shoot me and put me out of my misery. I can't imagine having the aches and pains of the flu along with Fibromyalgia. I've had the flu, but it was a very long time ago, way before Fibro came into my life. And I gotta admit, I am afraid of getting it. And I am afraid of getting the swine flu now that we've moved so far south. That's why I got the flu vaccination.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Tiger Balm

I remember recently Tiger Balm giving away free samples on Facebook. By the time I got to the page, of course, they were already out. Evidently this product is hard to find? I had never heard of it. But last week I was at the H-E-B looking for those stick-on heat patches for my husband. I saw the heat patches in the Tiger Balm brand, with a free sample inside, so I grabbed it. Then I looked a little further and found the Neck and Shoulder Rub. I grabbed that for myself. My husband used the heat patches on his motorcycle trip. He said that he woke in the morning without pain and that he can't remember not having pain in that spot. He was so impressed with the heat patches.
So I guess from now on we'll buy that brand because we've used all the other brands of heat patches. I am actually going to use the neck and shoulder rub on my hands. They have been hurting in the joints I think from the seasons changing, colder weather coming. Plus there has been a lot of rain. I have some emu oil to try and some Tylenol Precise, but I understand that to really know which product is working I can only try one at a time. So for now, I am going to use the Tiger Balm. I am only using the Neck and Shoulder Rub because that is what I was able to find. But it does come in a nice little squeeze bottle like hand lotion so that is convenient.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I had just woken from a nap that was not nearly long enough. I was brushing my teeth to get ready ready to go out and my mouth couldn't feel the automatic toothbrush. It was like I had been at the dentist and had been numbed. Then on the way in the car, I was touching my right arm, but my right arm couldn't feel my left hand touching it. My left fingers could feel my right arm. But my right arm was numb. told Rob, "I think I'm still asleep." Has anyone else ever experienced anything like that? Where a body part was numb? I am not diabetic, most recent test having been done just four months ago. I was tested for neuropathy and was negative for that although I was a little higher on the scale than most people. So has anyone ever had that? Maybe it was just the way I was laying on a nerve while asleep. I do get tingling in my feet and legs. I'll have to adjust the angle of my legs. Sometimes it's because my shoes are too tightly tied, etc. Sometimes it's because I've just got my arm on the table or my phone up to my ear too long so I have to switch. Almost like I have poor circulation. Anyone else?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Manic Fatigue?

I don't even know what to call it. This Sunday was wild. My poor husband. I think he may actually prefer when I am too fatigued to do anything. Saturday I went to the scrapbooking event that was from 4 in the afternoon to 11pm. Usually I try to get a little nap before to help me through the evening, but the day prevented me from it. But something kicked in. I don't know if it was the tea that I had before and at dinnertime with the girls or just spending time with the girls. I ended up staying late and talking afterward. I didn't head home until after midnight getting home a little before 1am. But instead of going to bed what do I do? I see the dog flap his ears so I decide that this is the time to wash them out. I've been putting it off for a few weeks and this is this best time of all, right? Took my time getting ready for bed, still energized from the fun of the night. I thought I would never be able to go to sleep. Of course I did go to sleep as soon as I lay my head down. The second my alarm went off to get ready for church I popped right up. No snoozing or burrowing deeper down into my slumber. I can't get out of bed after 9 hours of sleep much less 6. But here I went. I did think that I would need the caffeine to get me through church so I had a coffee. But that just added fuel to the fire. I was so ramped up. Maybe it was just that I've been so homesick and finally got another night out that I just went nuts. Sunday afternoon Rob recommended that I go lay down because we were supposed to meet our new small group for church at 5pm. Usually I take a good nap late Sunday afternoons. I told him that I had plenty of energy. He said that he knew I felt that way, but he knew that I really did need to rest. So about 2 o-clock after doing a little bit of stuff on the computer my eyes started getting heavy so I went to lay down. He was right. He had to come wake me up.We went to our get together at a local restaurant where we were to meet each other, some for the first time. Again, I was so energized. I was much more outgoing than I would normally be during a dinner with people I was meeting for the first time. Of course, I already knew two of the couples which only left four people that I didn't know. But still, I was acting so silly. I was up late Sunday night with energy. I woke up good Monday morning but it finally wore out pretty early that same day. So has anyone ever experienced anything like this? I can't imagine it was the caffeine. I'm not so strict that I would have such a reaction. Maybe I have been so house bound that I went bonkers when I was able to be around people. That's so sad to even admit. I'm embarrassed for myself. But could that really explain the burst of energy? Is there such a thing as an opposite to fatigue and does it ever affect those with Fibromyalgia? If so, how can I put it in a pill so that I can help others and more importantly become filthy rich?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Deceptively Positive

I woke up with a headache. Let me rephrase that. A headache woke me up. I think there's an important distinguishing factor. I saw an episode of that television show The Doctors where they said that waking up with a headache is bad, but having a headache wake you up is worse because it could be a sign that you have brain cancer. Of course that memory is in the back of my mind. But I know that this headache is from the fall. When I sat up on the side of the bed I could feel the stiffness and pain in my upper back between my shoulder blades. I could feel the individual vertebrae again. I get up and walk off the usual morning stiffness. I have a big day. I have to get the dogs to daycare, do my scout shopping, go to the grocery store and meet a local Close To My Heart consultant. I don't have time to be sore. Before I leave the house my headache is already turning into a migraine so I go ahead and take that medicine. Nip that in the bud. I need an adjustment now more than ever after the jar to my shoulders and neck. But I can't go to the chiropractor. Click here if you missed that story. I forgot to mention yesterday that my bruised knee is not just a bruised knee. I think it's a bruised knee cap. I decided that when I was trying to kneel next to the bathtub and it nearly sent me through the roof. And I was reminded of it as I went to get the dogs out of the backseat. I put my knee up on that comfy cushiony leather backseat and just fell over forward, rolling to the side. I had forgotten that my knee was injured. But the boys are off and I'm on my way to Old Navy. I go in to do my scout shopping. I use the handicap dressing room as I often do if there is one available and I don't see someone else who is in more need of it that I am. I can use the extra room to waddle about and fall over. There's also usually a bench to rest. Today the issue was that I could not get the pants off the hanger. They were on those plastic hangers that have the metal things that squeezes down on the pants. You have to push up to get it to release. It hurt the tip of my thumb so much that I could barely get it off. I got one pair off. I had several though. I debated because I hate to ask for help. But I decided that it's what they are there for. I asked an associate if she would assist me and get all of the pants off the hangers. I have to admit that I did feel, well, rather stupid, to be honest and blunt. I look perfectly healthy. I feel like I should explain myself. But what would I say? "I have Fibromyalgia?" She probably wouldn't know what that is. "I have problems with my hands. "Yeah, whatever lady." I don't know. And then when I watched her take them off it was so easy. IT WAS SO EASY. I never realized how easy it is to get those d**n hangers open until I couldn't do it myself. So now I feel stupid and mad. Well, now. I felt stupid then and in awe. Now I feel mad. Mad that something so simple has been taken away from me. Move On! Off to the grocery store. I get everything on my list and things that were just on the list in my head (that no longer hurts, YAY!) I check out and take up the guy on his offer to take my bags to the car. Again, I feel like I should give a reason why I am having him take my bags to the car. It's not like I'm actually in a wheelchair or  dragging three screaming rug rats along. I'm not old enough to be using age as a reason. So I say, "Sure, I take muscle anytime it's offered." What? That was cheesy! I need a better line people! Or maybe I should wear one of my wrist braces to the store from now on. Or better yet both! I get home, use my cart to roll my goods in and unload my groceries. I'm on the National Consumer Panel so I have to scan them. Then I sit down for a break. I get a call from the consultant who wants to meet and she suggests ice cream and we settle on Dairy Queen. Since I hadn't had lunch I could eat there. This is an accomplishment for me. Usually by late afternoon I realize that I've not eaten lunch and it's now a little too late to actually eat because we'll be having dinner soon. Usually by then, since I've not eaten, I've also developed a headache and general all around yuckiness. Since I'm trying to still make friends I stayed and talked with her and a couple other people who met her there. Then it was time to pick up the boys. So I had a full day. Usually while the dogs are in daycare I get to clean house. That didn't happen today. For dinner I took the advice that I read in an article on tips for making cooking easier. I only actually cooked one item, homemade macaroni and cheese from the book Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld where she hides the vegetables in the food. I served it with bagged spinach salad and a rotisserie chicken from the store deli. It never occurred to me that the reason I get so flustered when I cook and everything is going at once is because of the Fibro. This article was very helpful.  It was a very busy day for me. And really at almost 11 o'clock at night my attitude could go either way, but I'm trying to be positive. So today I am choosing to look back and see the accomplishments that I made regardless of how embarrassed I may have felt at the time.

1) I asked for help at Old Navy- I was helped with a smile. 2) I let the bagger take my bags out at the grocery store- I didn't have to ask and he was a pleasant conversationalist and very polite.  3) I was proactive at making sure I ate lunch- her first suggestion for ice cream also served food so I didn't have to counteroffer. And  4) I made a home-cooked meal but only cooked one of the items- my husband got seconds of the mac-n-cheese even though it has butternut squash hidden inside it.

Scout Shopping for Jegglings?

Here's a great shopping tip that I have devised recently. A lot of stores have these one day only sales. Their "VIP" customers are privy to the sales in advance. So what I do is go look and try on the day before the big event. Then I ask them to hold my items for me. The next morning when everyone else is in a frenzy I can go in, walk right up to the cash register, give them my name and check out. Tomorrow Old Navy is having their ladies leggings on sale for $6. It's tomorrow only. So first I looked online to see if they had any that I might even like. They did have two kinds that I was interested in. So I went and the sales girl asked me if I was looking for the jegglings. "The what?" " Jegglings. You know, the leggings that look like jeans."  "Oh! Yeah! That's it. Point me toward those." Although that's not exactly what I was going for I did buy a pair. I like to wear leggings under my dresses in the winter. Especially since dresses are getting shorter every year. It helps to keep from getting those cool breezes that make my legs hurt. Anyway, I picked out my leggings, went to the cash register and put them on hold. Tomorrow I will walk in and check out. I got to shop virtually alone. No crowds, no elbows, no lines, no cacophony of the monster warehouse storeroom.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Brace Yourself

After a few days of cloud cover I'm having a hard time adjusting to the sunlight again. Even in the house it's so bright. It's now two days after my fall as a result of Tropical Storm Hermine and I'm much more sore today. It feels a lot like a flare up. I did get in the hot tub last night. It wasn't long before the jets became uncomfortable, almost painful. So today I just soaked in the bath tub. Pretty much my entire body is hurting. I finally figured out how I fell. I knew that when I went down I fell backward and my legs went in front of me. My left foot and right knee getting banged up. When talking to my Dad he said "I bet your tailbone hurts." I realized that although I fell backward I didn't land on my bottom because my tailbone didn't hurt at all. So how did I land? Today I have the answer. My arms went back and I took the brunt of the fall on my elbows sending the jolt up my arms into my shoulders. I actually first noticed the pain in my spine. I can feel the pain in between the individual vertebrae. Then, beyond noticing my entire body ached, I felt my elbows were very sensitive. They are sore. My arms are sore all the way up. My trapezoid muscles and neck hurt. My pectoralis muscles hurt and I know I never use those. My shoulders ache. My shoulders are one of my biggest problems areas. My elbows and arms too. So this fall was exceptionally bad for me. Tonight we ate chicken and I couldn't cut my chicken with my fork because of the pressure that went up my arm and into my shoulder. I had to pick it up which I hate doing. Just a peeve of mine. Then I had to quit eating the chicken because my jaws started hurting from the chewing so I just ate the potatoes which were soft and easy to chew. I don't know if it sent me into a flare up or if it's just soreness from the fall. But I have pain in all my joints, all my muscles are hurting, my bones. If you have Fibro you know what I'm talking about. My fingers hurt to type this. Of course, the weather man says that humidity is up because of the storms that are moving through and the seasons are changing too. It could be one of those or a combination of all of it. I do tend to feel a lot of these symptoms when the seasons change. But I would almost bet money that all of this is related to my fall. We're running the dehumidifier in the house and that is helping a lot, as always.  I took a nap this afternoon just to escape the pain. I was tired. But to tell the truth I was trying to pass time also. But it hurt to lay in the bed. I know I would feel better if I got in the tub again, but I just can't bring myself to go through all that trouble. It doesn't make sense to the normal person, but undressing, getting soaking wet, drying off and getting dressed again is quite a chore when you're in pain. I'm too tired now at the end of the day. These are the times I wish I had pain pills, but I really don't want to start down that road as long as I don't have to. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Souvenirs from Hermine

Day Two of Hermine. She passed through yesterday, but her tail end has curled around today just so we don't forget her. Not likely since she left me with a few souvenirs. I woke this morning to a sore body. Rob said, "It's a good thing we have a hot tub." I said, "Yeah, I can see me sitting out there in the rain with wind gusts of 45 mph." He just started giggling a the thought. I love when he giggles. So here's how it feels the day after. I am sore, but not as bad as I expected. I was when I first got out of bed to go to the bathroom. Then of course, I went right back to bed. That actually occurred twice. I've been meaning to use a gift certificate for a massage, but I thought I don't want anyone to even touch me right now. But after I got up and started moving around it got better. But I do hope the rain subsides so I can soak in the hot tub tonight. My right knee hurts a little. It's bruised, very tender. My right ankle hurts a little, but not too bad. The worst injuries are my left toes. All but the big toe on my left foot are a little swollen. The left three are hurting and I think I may have broken the baby toe. I can't bend it or move it because it hurts too bad. But I know they can't do anything for a broken toe. Anyway, I will recover. I just need to pay more attention to whose coming to visit.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Cloudy With a Chance of Hermine

Tropical Storm Hermine. I had never heard of her. That's too bad because I should have known she was on her way. This was my first tropical storm. Well, we've had the effects of tropical storms. But this was my first time to be in the eye of the storm. She blew straight threw our city and I had no idea she was even coming. With all the excitement of the weekend and then my "down day" on Labor Day I had not watched any news. So when it was raining this morning I didn't think anything of it. But it got stronger. Then stronger. I was watching the morning news with my breakfast. I had to take my "Welcome Autumn" sign off my front door because it was beating against it. That's when I learned her name and how to pronounce it. By this time I was aware that there was a lot of noise outside. I looked out the back window and saw that my rocking chair was missing it's cushion. I scurried outside to find it and busted it. I slipped on the wet floor. I laid there a minute in pain, but mainly because my dog Bradley was clamoring all over me, you know, making sure I was okay and all. I knew immediately that I had hurt my right knee and jammed about three toes on my left foot. But I felt I had no choice but to get up and continue my rescue efforts of my beloved back patio.
I managed to wrangle in a few soaked cushions, a lamp and radio. I was afraid of things banging against the house and causing damage so I tried to drag the rocking chairs in. They wouldn't fit through the door so I left them. I came in and changed into a dry robe. While icing my knee, I talked to my parents on the phone and my dad recommended laying the chairs on their side. I made another quick trip out. Yep, in my robe. Not the best idea. With wind gusts at 45 mph I had to tuck the robe between my knees and walk with my legs glued together. My robe was whipping around, getting wet. I bet the neighbors loved that. Did I mention that my thin robe is white? What was I thinking? Anyway, I got more cushions in, laid down the chairs and put away some smaller items. Came back in and changed into another dry robe. A little later I was trying to get Bradley to go out to potty. He had not gone yet since he was too scared. Yep, in my robe. Just sprinkling, but still windy. I see another cushion out in the yard. Seriously? Will this ever end? So I hurry out and get it without getting too wet. Bradley still hasn't pottied, but we're going inside. Rob comes home. I'm in a robe and our entire back porch is piled in the kitchen. He just looks at me. I just look at him. "Happy Anniversary."

Labor Day Weekend

We had company from home this weekend. We had some friends who were in town for a family member's 50th wedding anniversary party so they added a day to their trip to spend with us. In addition to that, a mutual friend of both of ours came in from Houston. So on Sunday we all met at a local restaurant for lunch. My friend's college roommate and her husband and son were there as well. Then they all went swimming in the afternoon while we came home and rested. Well, my husband rested and I continued to get ready for the night. I did lay in the recliner for a little while when I felt I was completely ready for the evening. We all got back together at our house and grilled and had a little cake for one of the guy's 40th birthday. It was so much fun and it did my heart so much good. Just to see friends from home. To see that my life before here really existed and wasn't just a dream. The girl from Houston used to live with us back home but moved away four years ago. So she and I had a lot to talk about. She said that everything I was feeling was completely normal and that she went through it too. She recommended a book called After the Boxes are Unpacked by Susan Miller. My fried said that moving involved a grieving process and that this book really helped her. After they left that night I immediately got on e-bay and bought it. So my book is on it's way. I slept 12 hours straight that night and woke feeling pretty good. But after only and hour and a half was ready for a nap. I kept myself up with this and that though. Eventually I did take a nap in the late afternoon, since it was Labor Day and all. But we didn't even leave the house. And I only changed from one set of pajamas to another. I went to bed at a decent time and slept almost another 11 hours. So I guess I was pretty worn out from all the excitement. But it sure was fun and I still have a smile on my face. 

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Blog Award

Thank you to FibromyWHAT? for the blog award.
Missy, you are always very encouraging. That is one of the most wonderful things about an online support group. Thank you. You're the one who deserves an award for always being there to comment with an encouraging word, a blessing and a hug.

Standing In The Rain

My husband comes home from work and finds me asleep in the bed with both dogs. This is not the first time this has happened. He greets the dogs, does stuff around the house, takes them out to play, all the while I never even wake up. This, also, is not for the first time. He has to come wake me up for dinner. It's not the first time he's had to do that either. Worse, it's not the first time he's had to make his own dinner because I couldn't, or wouldn't, wake up. But it's a good thing he did wake me for dinner because I forgot to each lunch. How does one forget to eat lunch? I still can't give a good answer for that. He asks me if I'm depressed. I surprise him when I quickly and tearfully answer back, "I think so." But that's not why I've been sleeping so much. I'm sleeping so much because I'm completely exhausted. I try not to take an afternoon nap, but if I don't then by late afternoon I end up crashing literally and that's when he comes home and finds me in the bed. I cannot stay awake all day like a normal person. I cannot. CAN NOT. And even with a good nap I'm still ready to go to bed at 10  or 11pm. Part of it is just the fatigue from the Fibro. I think part of it is this new medicine I'm on because it can make you sleepy throughout the day. In fact, I remember when I used to be on a much higher does of it. The doctor had suggested that I take it earlier in the evening because I couldn't get up in the morning for work. But about 30 minutes after you've taken it you're passing out which is why you normally take it at bedtime. So what's better: to sleep late in the morning while my husband is at work? or to pass out at 8:30 while he's home and I don't get to spend time with him? Either way, I'm still passing out in the afternoon. I told him my sleeping was because of those two reasons, not from depression. I think that when you sleep from depression it's because you can't think of anything to do that you've got enough energy to do or that you got enough ambition to do. You can't think of anything you'd rather do, kinda like being supremely bored, so you sleep. Almost like boredom eating. It's boredom sleeping. That or you're so miserable that you want to sleep to make time pass by faster. I'm not doing either one of those. I have, but I'm not now. But I have actually been thinking about whether or not I'm depressed. I know that depression is a part of Fibromyalgia. When I met with my new doctor, the Fibromyalgia specialist, she didn't ask me if I was depressed. She just asked me "how is your depression?" I told her that I wasn't depressed. When I do get it, it comes on fast and hard. Something will set me off and I'll go spiraling down really fast and just plummet in one day. But I can be back up just as quickly the next day and be fine for months. And it really doesn't happen very often. But I know that depression is a common symptom of Fibro. And I know that my current situation, having just moved to a new state far from all our family and friends, makes me vulnerable. And I have become homesick. I asked myself just the other day if I thought that it had turned into depression. And I believe that it has. So when he asked me, I answered. But I also had an answer. This depression for me is a result of a situation that is exacerbated by the Fibromyalgia. The situation is temporary. When we make friends and get our life going here, the homesickness will abate and the depression will too. That may only take a few months. On the other hand, if I go to the doctor they will give me anti-depressants which take a few months of being in your system before they reach their maximum benefit. So if we just wait it out, it could be over before the medicine would even have really taken affect. So that's what we decided to do. Weather the storm together. Wait it out. I know it's there. I know I'm choosing not to treat it medicinally. I believe that when the situation changes it will go away. If it doesn't I will get treatment. And anyone reading this can hold me to that.