"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Monday, August 30, 2010

There's No Place Like Home

Well, I had a little melt down this weekend. As some of you may know, it has now been almost a full 3 months since my husband and I moved to a completely different state, far, far away from all of our friends and family all in an effort to be together more. He travels with his work and we thought if we went where the work is that he could come home at night more often. And that is true. But it doesn't change the fact that it is all different. And even though we are together I still feel alone. I am alone all day because I don't work. I had so many good girlfriends at home, I was used to having someone to shop with, go to lunch with, confide and talk to. I miss my church. I miss my part time job at the church nursery where I worked 3 mornings a week. Which honestly it was getting to be too much and we thought the move came at the right time because it would have been really hard for me to quit it. I miss my grocery store. I miss my roads. My doggie daycare. My restaurants. I haven't really cried yet and that may be the problem. I'm trying to be strong. For me, for Rob so he doesn't feel bad. For my parents, so they don't have to worry.

So, Sunday morning the music began in church. I didn't know the song so I couldn't sing along, so I started to cry. I'm sure that's not really why I started to cry. It was a word or phrase or hug from the Holy Spirit. But nevertheless the tears came. But then I didn't know the next song. I didn't know any of the songs that morning. So I cried through the whole music portion of the service. Then the pastor taught on how important it is to have relationships. Are you allowing yourself to have close relationships? I wanted to stand up and yell "I'm trying!" I've been going to the scrapbooking thing, talking to every person I come in contact with, basically stalking people in the aisles of common interests at the store. So I cried through the whole sermon. Then through the offering and the closing song which I did not know. Afterward the music directors wife came and asked me what was wrong. And I just said honestly, "I'm homesick." It's a new feeling for me. I've never been homesick before. I've been to college and all around the world. Rob said the difference is that I always knew when I would be coming home. This time is different. This time is indefinite.

4 comments:

  1. I think I know how you feel. I'm so very homesick myself. When my mother died, my father, husband and myself were plunged into another world that I didn't like or think I could live in. We couldn't go back to Tucson, it was too expensive to live there and I couldn't work and my husband is on disability. We had to come to Phoenix to be with my in-laws until we get back on our feet. Well, this weekend, I've been on such a nostolgic rollercoaster. I look at pictures of how my life was then and I am so homesick, it tears my heart apart. Not only can't I NOT go back in time, and live in Yuma, AZ again, but my mother is gone forever. So I know how it is. Hope you feel better soon!!

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  2. Hi! Jackie and I LOVE your site so much, we want to award you with our "Jack's Bow-Wow blog award" for your dogs' site "Tattle Tails." Let me know if you accept this and where to email it to so you can put it on your site. I still can't leave comments on your other blog. :(

    For YOUR blog, I'd like to award you with my "Cutest Blog Award." Again, let me know if you accept and where to e-mail it to you. Keep up the great work!!

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  3. That's so weird that it's not taking comments. Of course, we accept any awards because they are actually not very humble creatures. Oops. I actually just started writing an acceptance speech but I'll save it for when I post it on the blog :)
    Their blog has it's own email address. doggietattletails@yahoo.com I just don't check it very often. But since I know this is coming I will definitely be on the look out.

    My blog also has an e-mail address
    thisismyfibro@gmail.com or you can always message me on Facebook.
    You're so sweet. You cheer me up. But don't worry. I'm not as sad as I sound. I don't think?

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  4. OK....I'm glad you are not as sad. You did sound pretty sad, though, and I can so totally relate. OK, I will go right now and email you your rewards. Your sites will be my very first awards and I'll put a link to your sites on my Blog Awards page.

    I'm glad I cheer someone up!!! Although my husband is better. I took him off of some of the medications he was getting. He was overly medicated!
    Have a good day,
    Hugs,
    Missy

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