"I only get one life and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from my living it."

Friday, August 13, 2010

Living Life At Half Speed

I've decided there are 3 levels of sleepiness. There's tired, really tired, and exhausted.

  1. Tired-This is what a person experiences when they stay up late, have to get up early, or combine the two. Maybe you had a bad night's sleep or bad dreams. 
  2. Really Tired-This is where I was when I was first diagnosed with Fibro and where I think I am now back to. I can only be awake for about 5 or 6 hours before I need a nap or I'm passing out in my chair. The other day I was cleaning house just to stay awake. And I was vacuuming, a pretty physical activity, and my eyes were closing, my head nodding off, because I literally couldn't stay awake. There are days that all I want to do is sleep. I don't care if I see anyone or eat anything. I just want to sleep.
  3. Exhaustion-This is where I was a few weeks ago. This is probably where insomniacs live. You're so tired that you couldn't sleep if you wanted to. I don't know how anyone functions here, it's so dangerous. You don't sleep at night. You're tired during the day, but don't nap, you don't fall asleep at your desk. You're a zombie.
My new medicine has taken me from exhaustion back down to really tired. I think I actually felt better at exhaustion because I wasn't feeling anything. I so look forward to just being tired. Will I ever just be tired again? Today I took the dogs to daycare. I came home and got online to check my email, etc. What I really want to do is sleep. But I know what I should do is clean. With them in school is the only time I really have to clean easily without their "help". I can get so much done without them here that would take me days to do with them here. But what I really want to do is set my alarm for 15 minutes before time to pick them up and sleep all day. Does anyone else want to put all of life on hold just so they can sleep? I know, I can hear it ringing through my head, "Don't sleep your life away." But I'm pretty sure the person who came up with that saying did not feel like I do. Is it possible to get caught up? I know the answer to that already. But I hope. Surely I can't always feel like this. I'm so tired. And no one in my face-to-face world understands. It makes me feel like I am the only one who lives life at half speed.

    3 comments:

    1. No, you are definitely NOT the only one at half speed. I've been overly tired, but can't sleep more than 4 hours at a time at night. I wake up at 5am, take my pills, play around on the computer, fall asleep at the computer, then I take a little nap, then I try to read my book and fall asleep to it only to wake up when the book slams down on the floor. I battle with sleep so much, I'm exhausted!!! So I DO understand how you feel. It's all part of the game we play with the fibro. Trying to stay one step ahead of it is my main goal. I haven't gotten there yet, but I'll send a postcard to everyone when I do! LOL! Don't wait by your mailbox, though....LOL.

      ReplyDelete
    2. Oh....I LOVE your three stages of tired. How true!!!

      ReplyDelete
    3. Your words really hit the mark! I emphasise with every one of your three stages. Right now I know I have to catch up on a lot of correspondence(which is why I'm on-line). What I really want to do is go back to bed. I've done my chores (well nearly) and I hurt all over. My head aches so badly that I feel sick - not helped by the fact that my husband started glossing the paintwork yesterday, how I hate the smell of paint! I keep looking over to the dog snuggled in my favourite chair, and I feel sooooo tempted to join him. But everyone else is out at the moment, and hubby is due back very shortly. There is always that nagging fear of being thought to be lazy which pushes me over the edge from your 'Really Tired' stage to 'Exhaustion' :(

      ReplyDelete